The Kink List: A Yes / No / Maybe Checklist for Couples

A kink list (often called a yes / no / maybe list) is a checklist of activities that partners fill in separately and then compare. It turns an awkward conversation into a simple exercise: you find out what you both want, what you're curious about and what is off the table, before anything happens.

How to use this list

1. Print the page or copy it into a notes app, one copy each.
2. Fill it in alone, honestly. For each item mark Yes (I want this), Maybe (curious, with conditions) or No (not for me).
3. Compare with your partner. Start with the shared yeses, then talk about the maybes. Don't try to talk anyone out of a no.
4. Write down hard limits and agree a safeword before you play.
5. Revisit it every few months. Tastes change.

Hard limits vs soft limits

• A hard limit is an absolute no. It is never negotiated, pushed or "tested".
• A soft limit is something you might try under specific conditions, such as later, lighter or with more trust.

Anything you leave blank should be treated as a no.

The checklist

Roles and power

• Using titles (Mistress, Goddess, Ma'am) ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Kneeling or other positions of respect ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Rules and protocols outside scenes ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Tasks and assignments ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Punishments for broken rules ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• A female-led relationship beyond the bedroom ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No

Service and devotion

• Domestic service and chores ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Pampering (massage, bathing, dressing her) ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Foot and body worship ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Gifts and tributes ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No

Restraint and bondage

• Cuffs or restraints ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Rope bondage ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Blindfolds ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Gags (agree a non-verbal safe signal) ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Collars and leads ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No

Sensation and impact

• Spanking by hand ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Paddles and floggers ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Canes and crops ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Tickling ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Temperature play (ice, warm wax) ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Marks that last a day or more ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No

Control and denial

• Tease and denial ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Orgasm control (permission needed) ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• A chastity cage for an evening ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Chastity for days or longer ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No

Words and attitude

• Praise and pet names ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Strict tone and orders ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Teasing and light embarrassment ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Verbal humiliation (agree off-limits words) ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No

Roleplay and dress

• Roleplay scenarios (boss, teacher, captor…) ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Her in boots, heels or fetish wear ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Dressing up or feminization play ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Strap-on play ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No

Money and online

• Findom (tributes, wish lists): read our findom guide first ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Sexting and voice notes ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Video calls ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Photos (agree who keeps them and where) ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No

Aftercare preferences

• Cuddling and closeness ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Talking the scene through ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• Quiet time alone first ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No
• A check-in message the next day ☐ Yes ☐ Maybe ☐ No

There is more on these in our aftercare guide.

How to talk it through

• Pick a calm moment, not mid-scene and not right after an argument.
• Lead with curiosity, not judgement. A partner's no isn't a rejection of you.
• Ask "what does that look like for you?" Two people can mean very different things by the same word.
• Agree a safeword, such as the traffic-light system (green = good, yellow = slow down, red = stop), plus a non-verbal signal.

Revisit it

Experience changes what you want. Many couples redo their list every few months, or after trying something new. A yes can become a no and a no can become a maybe, and both are fine. If you're new to all this, start with what femdom is and what it means to be a sub.